27 Unheard Messages
by Kyo Draco
Summary: Multi-chapter. Takes place during the 2011 April Fools' Event. The Molossia Trading Company seems to be in quite a pickle, and Alfred isn't answering his cell phone. Rated T just to be safe.


It was quiet. Too quiet, Molossia decided. He had been tending to his garden for a while now but only now was noticing the sudden calmness that had come over the area. He stood and looked around, realizing not even his trusty mutt was by his side. At least it was calm and sunny instead of windy for once, but he couldn't figure why it was so damn quiet. He was sweating a bit, maybe it was too sunny, and so he decided to go inside. Maybe he would find someone there too. Entering the house, there was no sign of anyone.

"Hello?" Molossia called, but there was no answer. He stepped into the house, thankful for the cool burst of air from the air conditioning, and glanced around. It seemed deserted. Where was everyone? Had the royal family gone on an outing? He hadn't heard about it. Molossia felt a bit left out.

If anyone was home it was his dog. The fluffy creature was most likely in his room, so he headed there. It turned out that the bedroom was empty. The sheets of his bed where the dog should be laying remained undisturbed. Instead, a small brown package on the corner of the bed caught his eye. He had a pretty good idea of what was inside.

During a wind storm few weeks ago his green army coat had blown off his shoulders and away in the direction of Utah, never to be seen again. After that he'd ordered himself a new one, as well as paid to replace all of his medals that had been pinned to the previous coat. He'd been saving his money up too, and now he was broke. At least he had a new coat now. Molossia ripped the package open eagerly, not caring how it had gotten there.

To his surprise, inside was a jacket exactly like his old one save for one detail. It was pink. Surely this was some kind of joke. Suddenly he remembered something very crucial. He pulled out his cellphone and checked the date.

April 1st. _Oh fuck._

He wondered who would have pranked him. He didn't think anyone in the royal family would have done it, and those who might have probably couldn't have pulled it off. Sealand wasn't smart enough, Ladonia was most likely trying to set up some ultimate prank against Sweden, Kugelmugel didn't seem like a likely candidate, and Wy and Seborga were unlikely too. That left two suspects: Hutt River, and his brother, America.

He called America first. The phone rang for a minute but his brother didn't pick up. A voicemail message played: "'Sup dude? You've reached the hero! I'm not actually here right now but if you leave a message I'll call you back when I can!"

At the beep, he started to leave a message. "Um... Mr. America, did you dye my jacket pink?" Halfway through he started to doubt his judgment. "Nah, never mind. It probably wasn't you, sorry."

After hanging up, he promptly called Hutt River. After a few moments, the Australian answered. "Hello?"

"Hutt!" he shouted, though thankful he had picked up, "Did you think I'd let you get away with this?!"

"Shhh! I'm trying to set up a prank for Australia right now and I don't want him to find me! What is it that you think I did anyway?" Hutt River asked.

"My jacket! It's pink! And don't play dumb, I know it was you!" There was a pause, then a small fit of laughter on the other end of the line. "What the fuck is so funny?!"

"That's priceless!" Hutt laughed, "I really wish I had thought of that! Look I really need to go so..."

"Nonono! Don't you dare-!" There was a small click sound. "...hang up."

Molossia jammed the cellphone back into his pocket frustratedly. If Hutt hadn't done this, who did? Maybe America really had pranked him. And if he hadn't, why didn't he answer his phone? The loud sound of a telephone ringing jerked Molossia from his thoughts. It wasn't coming from his pocket, but from the president's office. He grabbed the jacket and went to investigate, hoping to find someone there. Alas, the room was just as empty as the last as the phone continued to ring.

Molossia had been in this room often before, but he'd never really examined it. It was a bit messier than he remembered; playing cards had been left out on the desk, photographs were strewn about here and there, and most curious of all the president's hat sat on the desk. He picked the hat up and studied it. Why would he leave this behind?

As the phone kept ringing, Molossia didn't dare answer it. It was an older landline, meant to be a direct line to the president and because of this he had no right to answer. The ringing soon stopped and was replaced by a voicemail message being played aloud. "This is President Kevin Baugh of the Republic of Molossia. I'm not here right now, so please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible."

Molossia turned to leave, but stopped in his tracks when he heard the message being left. "This is Marge, from the Molossia Trading Company. Look, your new jacket came in, but it's pink. That's not right, is it? And what do I do with this walrus? Call me back!"

Marge? Jacket? Walrus?! Molossia figured he was still being pranked. Everyone knew Marge wasn't an actual person. She was just a stand-in so that the place didn't look empty. That wasn't his main concern though. A walrus? Really? He hoped that was a complete joke.

Just then there was a loud, familiar barking sound coming from somewhere outside. He was relieved to know he hadn't been left here completely alone.

As Molossia ran outside he whipped out his cellphone. There was no way Hutt River could have gotten ahold of a walrus, even if he wanted to. This could only be the work of one person, his brother America. He dialed his brother's number and put the phone to his ear. No answer, but he left a message anyway. "Mr. America, if there actually is a walrus somewhere around here, I'm gonna make a law banning them or something!" He smashed his finger onto the "end" button and shoved the phone into his pocket.

The angry barking and growling grew louder as he approached the Trading Company building. He flung the door open and ran inside. There he found his dog yapping furiously at an innocent looking baby walrus.

It was going to be a long day.


End file.
